Book Review: "Nameless Things," by Ernest Jensen

 

    Ernest Jensen, a pseudonym for Australian (but Scotland-based) author Louise Jensen Duffy, has written a horror novel that unfortunately misses the mark on most levels. The reasons for this are surprisingly widespread, covering everything from unsuccessful comedy, constant lapses in dialect (more on that in a bit), and, perhaps most damning, a complete failure to provide any tension or scares. 

    Nameless Things is a book about two friends, Mike and Wade, who are hiking in a secluded caldera. They see a meteor pass overhead and seemingly crash into the ground somewhere nearby. What the meteor has delivered seems to be an invasion of tiny worms that are quickly spreading through the ground. As Mike and Wade encounter other hikers and start to find out that there's more to these worms than initially meets the eye, they enter a desperate struggle to escape their surroundings and get back to civilization and find help. 

    Mike, the narrator, is supposedly a gay man who has recently broken up with his partner. This is why his longtime friend Wade has brought him on the hiking trip, we're told. That's about all we ever get about either character's backstory. Mike is also, I must point out, an American man. This is important, because in the book he repeatedly refers to flashlights as "torches," says he "can't be assed" to do things, and frequently displays other such oddities of region-specific language. Jensen has apparently done little research work to ground Mike as an actual American male. Mike being such is utterly unimportant to the story being told, too, so it boggles the mind as to why he couldn't simply be Australian or British (as most other characters who pop up throughout the novel are). It's weird, sloppy, and consistently distracting. 

    Also distracting is the level of repetition of words, phrases, and situations. Do you like to see the word "goggle" used for looking at something? Well, you better, because it's done in nearly every chapter. This would be an easy fix and not worth mentioning if it was only a vocabulary issue, but it becomes a detractor in the book's horror elements, too. When people succumb to the invasive worms, they wriggle, itch, scream, and parish -- it's bleak stuff. The problem is it happens multiple times with no variation. This remains true when the threats grow larger. Almost every major horror moment or death happens in the same fashion. The ground moves, something pops out, people scream. There's no escalation and it makes initial scares less interesting because you just encounter them repeatedly. Throw in a random villain in the back half of the novel with no motivation whatsoever and things start to get dire.

    Another issue is with the characters themselves. No one grows, no one changes, no one engages the reader and makes them root for their survival. People show up, are described as looking like a celebrity of some kind, and then they stay the way they are for the rest of their time in the book. That celebrity thing grates in a massive way, and I can't say that I've ever run into it in any other novel. This person looks like Zendaya, this person has Owen Wilson's nose, this person thinks they're a dead ringer for John Boyega... it comes across as though Ernest Jensen doesn't want their readers to have any say in how they picture the people and events of the book together in their minds. It's deeply off-putting. 

    I don't like being negative in reviews, but I believe in being honest when reviewing any and all work. I love horror, I want all horror to succeed, and it bums me out when something fails to live up to expectations. I'd heard early word that this book was reminiscent of the works of Nick Cutter and Stephen King, and I think the publisher doing promotion of that sort is doing their author a disservice. Sure, there are echoes of Cutter's The Troop here (which, in kind, was King-inspired), but that's a masterwork of the genre. Don't put that kind of pressure on an author that's still trying to find their footing. I think Jensen has the potential to deliver a horror novel worth reading, but Nameless Things isn't it. It felt both glacially-paced and somehow rushed, the constant gaffes in word usage stick out, and the generic parasite-of-unknown-but-possibly-alien-origin plot was generic to begin with. This one's a miss. 

1.5/5

Book Review: "Space Brooms," by A.G. Rodriguez

 

    A.G. Rodriguez's Space Brooms! is a fast-paced, pulpy sci-fi comedy with plenty of action and a core group of likeable, well-rounded characters.

    Our narrator is Johnny Gomez, a 37-year-old janitor for Astro-Suds on the space station Kilgore. He is a guy who gave up on his dream of directing films (holofilms, that is -- this is a sci-fi book after all) and moved penniless to this space station to find work and hopefully, one day, some adventure. All he's found, though, is a miserable job for a miserable boss and a whole lot of disappointment. He does have a helpful and friendly roommate, Rygar, who continues to surprise throughout the novel. This augmented fellow might know more about the sort of adventure Johnny is looking for than he has ever let on.

    One day Johnny finds a data chip while cleaning a zero gravity restroom and, on his way back from the job, is jumped by two thugs looking for the chip. He's saved by cousins Hooper and Leilani, smugglers who seem at first to be helping him just for fun. When Johnny is again attacked by a different criminal cartel while trying to turn the chip into the space station's security force, Hooper chimes in unexpectedly on Johnny's communication system to once more help him out of the jam. This time they meet up and head to the station's underbelly (where Rygar, the roommate, seems to hold some sway) and introduce Johnny to Lisette, a fence who can help sell this mysterious data chip. And while Johnny hasn't previously met Lisette, he has seen her around the station many times and incorporated her into his adventurous, film-like daydreams to distract from his custodial work. So this, truly, is the adventure Johnny has been waiting for.

    The group of four, aided at times from afar by Rygar, now have to get to Luna (our moon) to sell the chip, the seemingly unimportant contents of which initially blows Johnny's mind. On the way to Luna they'll run into multiple criminal syndicates, pirates, and police forces, and have all the galactic fights, chases, and potential romances one should expect in a good pulpy sci-fi novel.

    A.G. Rodriguez is a strong writer who keeps the action clear and moving at a brisk pace, and I had a great time getting acquainted with this janitor with big aspirations. As a 30-something guy that has personally abandoned the dreams of my youth for the monotony of the modern work force, it's easy to relate to a character like Johnny. My only real complaint about the book is that it reaches a somewhat unsatisfying conclusion, with some running threads either not being resolved fully or closed in ways that are a little less upbeat than the rest of the book, which is otherwise witty and light-hearted even in stressful story beats.

    But, hey, that's okay! I think we'll get to see Johnny, the space cowboy Hooper, the fierce mechanic Leilani, and the mysterious fence Lisette again in the future. I look forward to it.


4/5

My thanks to NetGalley, A.G. Rodriguez, and Angry Robot for this ARC. Space Brooms! will be available on March 25th.

Book Review: "The Third Rule of Time Travel," by Philip Fracassi

 

    The first Philip Fracassi book I read, The Boys in the Valley, was a terrifying and relentlessly-paced novel of horror set at the turn of the century in a rural Catholic orphanage for boys. It was equal parts Salem's Lot and Lord of the Flies and I tore through it in a single day. 

    Fracassi's newest book, The Third Rule of Time Travel, really couldn't be much more different from that one than it is. It's a sci-fi story, a gripping family drama about motherhood, and a tale of a shady capitalist trying to crush everyone in his path. But, you know what? I tore through this one in a single day, too. Fracassi is just that good. 

    The Third Rule of Time Travel follows Beth, a scientist who, with her late husband, has designed a time machine. Don't think H.G. Wells, though. What this machine actually does is send one's consciousness back to a point in that same person's life to witness it through their own eyes again, and then transmits a recording of that for analysis and review. Oh, and they only get 90 seconds. There are strict rules to follow, rigid guidelines in place to avoid (hopefully) theoretical consequences, and all of the other fun elements of any good time travel story. Things slowly, and inevitably, go wrong. That's why such stories exist, so don't take that as a spoiler of any sort. 

    The key to any good time travel story, I think, is that it sticks to its own rules and makes at least a passing attempt at an acceptable level of scientific "realism" (for what is, of course, a fictional concept). Fracassi absolutely lives up to the challenge here. One of the most exciting elements of this novel is when the reader starts to notice little changes that the book's characters maybe haven't caught yet. An example would be Beth sitting down and taking a drink out of a mug that we know shouldn't be available for her to do so. It's fascinating stuff that kept me turning page after page. 

    If the key to a good time travel story is adherence to its rules, the key to a good work of fiction is something simpler: Interesting characters. Beth is a fantastic protagonist. She's smart, angry when driven to it, laments missing the little moments she could be spending with her daughter as she toils on her science project, and is unfaltering in her devotion to her life's work that was created with her late husband Colson. There's also her coworker in the lab, Tariq, who isn't always as easy to get a read on but reveals himself to be more than just some lab assistant over time. The head honcho funding the project is Jim Langan, and you'll recognize him for what he is with quickly. He might be an archetype, but it's the kind that a story like this needs. Throw in other board members, a journalist pushing people's buttons, and a psychiatrist with motives that aren't always clear and there's precisely enough here to keep the story moving at as rapid a pace as it demands. Fracassi never takes his foot off the gas with this one. 

    There aren't many authors who can effortlessly drift from genre to genre. For every Stephen King there are unfortunately a handful of folks who fail to put the scares in their horror book or the laughs in their satire or the high stakes in their thriller. Luckily for us, Fracassi is proving himself to be one of those rare few walking a similar path as King. Considering the way the time machine in The Third Rule of Time Travel functions, maybe we could call that The Path of the Beam. Just a thought. 

4.5/5

 

 

My thanks to Orbit Books, Philip Fracassi, and NetGalley for the advanced copy of this book. THE THIRD RULE OF TIME TRAVEL will be available on March 18.

Book Review: "The Staircase in the Woods," by Chuck Wendig

     

     Chuck Wendig's The Book of Accidents blew my mind a few years ago. It was scary, relentlessly paced, and was one of several titles that reinvigorated my love for horror novels, hence the many stacks of them covering most flat surfaces in my home. His latest, the intriguingly titled The Staircase in the Woods, might be even better. 

    Anyone that has spent some time reading "creepy pastas" online or generally browsing r/creepy has probably heard of staircases in the woods. You can find photos both fictional and real (abandoned homes, typically) of such all over the web, and even some physical tourist attractions if you want to see one in person. I would advise you don't try to find the staircase featured in Wendig's new novel, though. This book tells the story of a friend group -- five youths who have formed what they call The Covenant, in which they swear to always have each other's back -- and the thing that happened during their teen years that haunts them, now down one member, for years to come.

    You see, one planned trip to have some fun away from the world in their local woods ends terribly when Matty, the well-liked school/sports/social standout of the group, climbs a mysterious staircase they've unexpectedly stumbled upon. He gets to the top and steps/jumps off... and disappears. The other friends panic. They search for him, thinking he's playing some sort of joke. They eventually stage it so people will think he has maybe fallen off of a cliff, and, this being the 1990s, the community blames them for the popular kid's disappearance, anyway. They're kind of strange kids, after all -- maybe this is one of those Satanic things!

    It's not, of course. What it actually is for the group is a friendship-fracturing disaster that follows them around forever. Owen, a nervous, self-doubting teen with a deadbeat dad, was jealous of Matty's relationship with Lore. Lore, who was mad at Matty the night of his disappearance, carries that burden around. Nick, the clown but also the hothead of the group, willingly takes most of the heat for the disappearance by admitting to the police that there had been drugs and alcohol involved that night and gets sent off to juvie. Hamish, who struggles with his self-image, turns to religion and fitness and, well, Republican politics. 

    Years pass and Lore has made a name for herself in the world of video game development. She has done so by perhaps abandoning Owen on a project they had dreamed up together, which has left him deeply resentful. Hamish has made himself successful and fit and has gotten married and had kids, but bickers with Lore about politics and has a few secrets of his own. Nick has spent years emailing everyone asking them to come back to their hometown to help look for Matty again, often including online posts about similar staircases in the woods. Now, though, something forces everyone to finally return: Nick has informed them that he has cancer and doesn't have much time left. 

    Owen finds the courage to hop on a plane. Lore is struggling with her game and her guilt over her final night with Matty, so she's in, too. Hamish seems excited to see his friends despite the somber occasion. And Nick? Well, he might have some surprises in store. He gets everyone back home but hasn't arranged hotel rooms for them like they expect. No, he's got something else in mind. A trip into the woods. Into the woods where he has once again discovered a strange staircase standing all on its own. And this time, everyone is climbing it. Once they do, all hell breaks loose... or does it surround them? 

    You see, at the top of that staircase is a house. It's a strange house. The rooms don't make sense and the doors shift. There are horrors to be found everywhere. Grief and terror seep from the very walls. And every passing room is going to push Owen, Lore, Hamish, and Nick further into the dark depths of their "Covenant," their minds, and their very understanding of reality. To talk much about the labyrinth they find themselves in would be to spoil the sweat-inducing and nightmare-fueling brilliance of Wendig's novel, so that's all I'll divulge here.

    Chuck's prose, as ever, is clear and concise and will have you flipping through pages and chapters with horrified joy. The sign of any good book is that constant feeling that you just have to read one more page, and The Staircase in the Woods doesn't disappoint on that front. I may have extended one (or two... ) of my lunch breaks at work to tear through another few chapters. Just when you think you have a handle on what Wendig's shifting house at the top of the stairs is really about, he twists things on you again. The scares aren't limited to sights and sounds. Deep-rooted anxieties, repressed memories, and relived traumas are all fair game once the friends climb those steps. It's riveting stuff that I thoroughly enjoyed and plan on bugging all of my reading friends to check out as soon as it hits shelves next year. This one's a new favorite.

 

5/5


I received an advance copy of this book for review. It will be released April 29, 2025 by Del Rey Books.

 

2024 is Ending. Here's to 2025.

I'm going to start writing again. Maybe not much, maybe not anything good. I'm hoping to start posting some book reviews (advanced ones, when possible) as well as some best-of-2024 lists and things.

See y'all soon.